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Multiple Foodgasms – Craftsman and Wolves SF

 Multiple Foodgasms Image

I’ve been lucky, very lucky.  Multiple foodgasms have always been something that’s come naturally to me. Maybe it’s a predisposition, access or having had the right teachers, but foodgasms have always been important to me and I’ve always worked to make sure I was having them. Because of this I never get used to the quizzical looks I get when I tell people about my multiple foodgasms.

I’ve had people tell me it’s biology but I have a hard time accepting that. I think that everyone has the ability to take control of their foodgasm and it pains me to hear how many people have never experienced the sensation of multiple foodgasms. What makes me sadder is hearing how many people have never even had a foodgasm.

Yes, they enjoy food, even love it, but they’ve never actually had it take control of their entire  being. Never been so consumed by it that they’ve felt it flow from their tastebuds into every nerve ending of their body, each bite sending shivers of ecstasy down their spine. So multiple-foodgasms are a notion that hardly crosses their mind.

I don’t deny that it is an extremely individual experience and may be harder for some people than others. Everyone is different and you have to figure out what works for you. Some people have sweet-tooths,  others live for salty satisfaction, but whatever gets you off I think multiple foodgasms are possible. In the hopes of empowering others to achieve multiple foodgasms, I thought I’d share my last multi-foodgasmic experience.

Location is hardly a secret of foodgasms. The sensation and ambiance of the right place is a tru catalyst for a foodgasmic experience.

San Francisco has many foodgasmic locations, the Mission District alone offers a smorgasbord of choices so overwhelming, you often just pop into the nearest restaurant. This vibrant neighborhood has tantalizing aromas wafting at you from every corner, an array of colors teases the eyes and nestled on Valenica street, the cooingly understated and delightful Crafstman and Wolves beckons. This sinfully decadent and sophisticated pastry shop, embraces creativity resulting in pastry with alluring flavor combinations (black sesame, kumquat) and striking aesthetics (layered chocolate croissants)

With beauty and brains like this, there’s no point in playing hard to get. You know and they know, the second you walk in, you’re going to be giving it up.

Scanning the array of beautiful pastries in the display case, I knew that any of these sculpted beauties was sure to give me a good time, but I wasn’t in it for a quickie, I was looking for a multiple foodgasm kind of experience. I knew that anticipation was key, you have to build up the tension, so I had called ahead of time, flirted my way into an afternoon tea midweek, that’s the only way they do it.

In a private corner of the shop awaited a small circular table with a folded piece of paper, confidently boasting “reserved” in italics. But in my mind it read “this is you time, get ready”. On the plate rested a menu, telling me in detail what was about to happen to me, asserting a sexy dominance that further heightened my anticipation. The only choice I had to make was the tea. An important choice. The beverage is the lube of foodgasms, enchaining your ability to enjoy every bite and take it all in.

The aroma from the teas begins the seduction and as I sniff each one my stomach tightens in excitment.  As I take the first sip and feel the warm liquid run down my throat a beautiful 3-tiered present appears before my eyes. I take it in slowly, admiring the beauty of every inch.

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I start at the bottom, with the fromage blanc, homemade and perfectly creamy its topped with rooftop honey and lime roasted chickpeas. It works all those special spots at once. Sweet honey, sour chickpeas and savory cheese.

The first foodgasm comes quick and leaves you licking your spoon, begging for more.

The rest of the bottom tier is a wave of foodgasmicness, the only words my moth can seem to form are ‘mmmm’, ‘wow’, ‘yes’. Mini mushroom madelines, the worlds smallest piece of toast, roasted mushrooms, pickled fennel. Every bite is new, surprising, and mind-glowingly foodgasmic.

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The second-teir is more traditional. A foodgasm I’ve had before but with the excitement of untraditional accompaniments, the effect of sexy lingerie. Candied citron scones and buckwheat crumpets put just the right spin on a classic move, made all the better by kisses of passion fruit olive oil curd. And the home-made clotted cream, you want it to keep coming and coming.

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Finally, when I think I’ve had all I can take, I breath in and take a sip of tea to calm my nerves. Feeling extremely satisfied… I remember there’s one more tier. It’s a delicate combination of chocolate marshmallows, pate de fruit and almond cake.

Each piece is perfectly crafted, emphasizing the point that size doesn’t matter when you know exactly what you’re doing. The pate de fruit is dirty banana- bananas soaked in rum, coated in perfect sugar crystals you eat this bite size treat in 10 bites, trying to make it last a long as you possibly can.

When it’s done and all 3 tiers are empty, I sit back, speechless, the complexity of foodgasmic flavors still resting on my tongue, forcing my eyes shut and leaving me tingly.

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