Orgies- Good for Groups Seafood

Suck & Swallow – How to pick oysters and where to eat them in SF


Slimy, meaty, succulent, and sweet. You can’t argue with the sexiness of oysters, a natural aphrodisiac, oysters have foodgasm written all over them. So titillating is the oyster, that just thinking about its juicy flesh can cause me to break a small sweat, and involuntarily bite my lower lip. 

They draw you in with their glistening brawn, sitting delicately in a pool of their precious liquor, they tantalize you with a whiff of the sea and tease you with their iridescent shell. Your eyes widen and your hair stands on ends, as soon as that smooth shell hits your lips.  Feeling that that slimy, salty, sweet pearl slide down your throat, well,  that’s a foodgasm.

With all the allure surrounding oysters, it can sometimes be intimidating to start a relationship with them. East coast, west coast, small, large, where do you even start. Everyone has a type, but they all have something special to offer and you’ve got to experiment a little to find out what gets you off.

Here’s a quick how-to for breaking down those ominous oyster menus and a one stop guide for the best places to get your oystergasm on in SF! 

Happy Sucking!

Choosing your oysters:

  • Experiment- choose oysters from both costs, and while you’re at it why not get a little exoctic? New Zealand, France, Ireland… it’s far too hard to choose, give them all some love.
  • Keep it fresh- it goes without saying that freshness is key, a good oyster bar will have fresh oysters from coast to coast and beyond, but you can’t get fresher than your own backyard, so if you’re lucky enough to live in oyster territory, go local.
  • Size matters- small oyster tend to be sweeter, while large oysters earthier, both completely foodgasmic.
  • Use all your senses- any foodgasm is a whole body experience.Let’s face it oysters bare a resemblance to a certain other moist set of lips, and that’s hot. Embrace it. Oggle it’s mystery tongue it’s crevices and gently suck it from its shell, noting its appearance, texture, and taste.
  • Au natural- they are perfect just the way nature intended, don’t cover up that perfection with heavy sauces or seasonings, raw, on the half shell, with a spritz of lemon is all you need. None of these tiny fork business either, except to disconnect the muscle from its shell. Always suck out an oyster, nestling the shell between your thumb and forefinger.



Where to go in San Francisco:

  1. Zuni- for a second foodgasm order the chicken.
  2. Waterbar- go for the happy hour, you’ll have to work for it, but boy is it worth it.
  3. Hog and Rocks- pair it with a cocktail and follow up with with some hog, you won’t regret it.
  4. Anchor and Hope- finish it off with a beer


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